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Naps are tricky because you either wake up refreshed and relaxed or you have a headache, dry throat, and are unaware of what year you`re in.
I`m not sure where you learned to whisper but I`m guessing inside a helicopter surrounded by f*cking chainsaws.
These ramen noodles taste like payday is next Friday.
Is the CEO of Kraft also known as The Big Cheese?
I still know what you did last summer........... cos you posted it on facebook!
Texts from mom: Thanks to the supreme court, now it`s not just women who won`t marry you.
Yes I am a bad boy ... But your the one that`s going to get spanked.
There`s no `i` in "Shut the f*ck up!"
The problem with taking the road less traveled is the poor phone signal...
I got a little package in the mail today. For some reason it just reminded me of my ex.
No, no, no, you don`t have to engage in a long explanation of why you`re single. We`ve spent five minutes together, I think I`ve got it.
I know the light has changed twice people but I`m playing air drums until Moby Dick is over...sit back and enjoy the show please...
Welcome to Plastic Surgery Addicts Anonymous. I see a lot of new faces in the room this week and I`m very disappointed with all of you.
Life is about perspective like the sinking of the Titanic was a miracle for the lobsters in the ships kitchen
COLLEGE STUDENTS: if you`re looking for a job, your career center lists thousands of openings you don`t have enough experience for.