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Sometimes my attention span is shorter than a gold fish crackers are delicious.
just taught my kids about taxes by eating 38% of their ice cream
The awkward moment when you set something down for a second and it disappears off the face of the earth.
Breakfast in bed probably means you are dating someone. Dinner in bed means you`re probably single.
I don`t really want to hear about the marathon, unless of course, they add an element of suspense ... Like a Bear at mile 3
You could completely eliminate the semicolon key and 90% of America wouldn`t notice... until they needed to wink at somebody.
One time I was in a bar and there was this really weird guy pouring booze all over his hand. Turned out he was trying to get his date drunk
Good Morning: You, my friends are the reason I wake up every morning ? LOL JK, I have to pee.
I did not steal your drink. You abandoned it and I rescued it.
When I say I like to travel, I really just mean I like to get drunk in different places.
GOOGLE must be a woman because it knows everything.
If "Cops" has taught me anything it`s to stay away from people with blurry faces, they`re nothing but trouble...
All units be on the lookout, suspect is armed with hunky shoulders, soft eyes and dreamboat hair. I don`t even remember what he did anymore.
Seeking one night stand. I might need two though, I do have a lot of books.
Drank way too much beer last night. Didn`t leave any for this morning.