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I`ve reached that time of day between "coffee wearing off" and "murdering my co-worker."
Having sex in an elevator is wrong on so many levels. LOL. But on the up side, it is fun!! ;)
I don’t necessarily enjoy being the bad influence…but hey, somebody has to do it!
If I hit snooze 3 times it should automatically send an email to my boss saying I`ll be out sick.
My bank lets me send a text message and it´ll text back with my balance. It´s a cool feature but I didn´t think the LOL was necessary.
Life advice: Enjoy the f*ck out of it. It`s that simple.
My wife said we should try some role reversal in bed last night… So I said I had a headache.
If by cat person you mean I like to sleep all day and poo in sand then yes I am a cat person.
How come people who think they know everything never seem to know when to shut up?
My neighbors listen to AC/DC at 6:00 every morning. Whether they like it or not...
I hate when I wake up in a strange house, & have to go outside to look at a license plate to figure out what state I`m in.
Good mothers let you lick the beaters when they`re making a cake. Great mothers turn the mixer off first.
believes saying "hi" with a big smile can brighten anyone´s day ... even those who give you the middle finger for cutting them off in traffic.
My sex life is just like my typing skills. One handed.
Laugh now but at the rate they are reproducing, the people of Walmart may one day take over the world.