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There’s a limit of how close you should be to another man when taking a selfie.
Finally did it. 25 inflatable mattresses later and I’ve finally turned my apartment into a bounce castle.
Everyone has fitness goals and I’m over here like, if I burn this many calories I can eat a whole pizza.
Who the hell buys a cat? There are cats everywhere just let one in your home and it becomes your cat.
If I could just make one thing very clear at this point ... I would.
The Swiss must`ve been pretty confident in their chances of victory if they included a corkscrew in their army knife.
If you`re a grown man walkin around with a winter hat that has animal ears I can tell that @ some point people used 2 take your lunch money
I hate it when my kid starts crying in the middle of the night and I have to get up to close the bedroom door.
My blind neighbor sure does take his dog on a lot of walks...
It`s gonna be hotter than Billy Ray Cyrus after watching his daughters performance on the VMA`s tomorrow!
Some people should use a glue stick for lip balm
Whoever invented grass must be a billionaire that stuff is everywhere
I woke up early this morning with the strange desire to get up and exercise. Fortunately I rolled over and closed my eyes really tight and the feeling went away.
To be clever can be difficult without caffiene.
I googled "cigarette lighter" and got 150000 matches.