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People will do odd things to get even.
Alcohol won’t solve your problems, but neither does milk or orange juice.
says, I am not an alcoholic. I am a social drinker. Problem is, I socialize too much!
A cash bar on parent-teacher conference nights would be a great fundraiser for schools.
I solve my problems by blatantly ignoring them and going on the internet.
I’m not stealing my neighbor’s WiFi…their WiFi is trespassing into my house.
Shout out to people wondering what the opposite of in is.
Screw love... I`d rather fall in chocolate.
Does anyone have plans to stare at their phones somewhere exciting this weekend?
The New iPhone 7 is coming out in August. If you want a sneak peek of the new iPhone. Take a look at your current iPhone and pretend it cost 200 dollars more.
The secret to a successful lemonade stand is vodka.
I swear I saw a guy earlier today that had no chin and all I could think about was, how does he put on pillow cases?
Elderly people used to always nudge me at weddings and say "You`re next."What got them to stop is when............I started doing the same thing to them at funerals.
For someone who can`t put on a pair of socks without falling over, I sure do manage to get a lot done every day.
I`ll sell my broken watch when the time is right.