Daily Silly Status

I`m always surprised how quickly "you`re so funny" turns into "everything is a fcuking joke to you." (usually about 3 months)

Do you ever notice that when you´re driving, anyone going slower than you is an idiot and everyone driving faster than you is a maniac?

I was going to write something profound and memorable here, but I can`t remember what it was.

I`m glad people are exercising but I want to see cooler activities posted on FB. Like "I spent 1 hour wrestling a bear. 110 calories burned."

There is a special place in hell for people who are not ready to order when it`s their turn.

"Of course you`re the prettiest girl here, you just need to talk louder" - alcohol

I saw this wino, he was eating grapes. I was like "Dude, you have to wait."

If you`ve ever wondered which of your friends are really amazing, you`re in luck today. :)

SNAUGHLING: Laughing so hard you snort, then laugh because you snorted, then snort because you laughed.

I`m undecided about which pants to wear today...Smarty of Fancy?

Nothing hides your feelings like the backspace key.

Retirement plans compared .. If you had purchased $1000.00 of Nortel stock one year ago, it would now be worth $49.00. With Enron, you would have $16.50 left of the original $1000. With WorldCom, you would have less than $5.00 left. If you had purchased $1000.00 of Delta Air Lines stock you would have $49.00 left. If you had purchased United Airlines, you would have nothing left. But, if you had purchased $1000.00 worth of beer one year ago, drank all the beer, then turned in the cans for recycl

If the shoe fits, shove it further up their a$$

I just realized that I haven`t done the "Hockey Pokey" in over 10 years. I guess when you get older, you just forget what it`s all about.

I was really pissed at my girlfriend for not calling me all day. Then I remembered she`s imaginary. So I`m good.