Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
I hate hanging out with MC Hammer, he never let`s me touch anything.
I once peed a girl`s name in the snow, so don`t fcuking tell me I don`t know romance.
Today I am thankful for dirty text messages, stripclubs, and Jack Daniels
No one ever said life was easy, but several people did say that you were.
Arguing politics is like trying to convince someone that their baby isn`t cute.
If I had known "cuties" were little oranges when my wife asked me to "bring a few home," I could have avoided these awkward introductions.
My 13yo just dumped his girlfriend and now he`s attempting to get his hoodie back. He`s in for one hell of a life lesson.
I just saw a poster that said, "Have you seen this man?" with a number to call ... So I called the number and told them, "no."
Thanks for posting another selfie. I completely forgot what you looked like 24 hours ago.
I like to refer to myself as a "Second-hand Vegetarian". Animals eat grass. I eat animals.
I will be forever in your debt if you would just loan me 1 million dollars.
The sun and I have an understanding. He gets up before I do.
They say money doesn`t bring you happiness.... I say....neither does being broke....
Is it just me, or would those movies had been far scarier if they were titled "Monday the 13th"
Porn can be so misleading. I quit my pizza delivery job after two days.