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It’s embarrassing that 90% of my Google history is just words I wasn’t sure how to spell, and yes I googled embarrassing.
Where 5 minutes becomes 5 hours. Facebook.
I feel like water solves all problems. Wanna lose weight? drink water .. clear face ? Drink water.. Tired of your better half? Drown them
I have six locks on my door all in a row. When I go out, I lock every other one. I figure no matter how long somebody stands there picking the locks, they are always locking three.
I just found out the neighborhood is having a meeting about the creepy guy. ..Its weird that they forgot to invite me ..
I hate it when people hate me without even giving me a chance to give them a good reason to.
Wearing my pajamas to Walmart. I don`t want to attract any attention.
I am the head of this household, and I have my wife`s permission to say so.
If you`re not afraid when someone is flipping through the photos on your phone then you`re probably boring.
Why is it when I flush the toilet in the middle of the night, I have a feeling I woke up the entire neighbourhood?
It`s funny how we all sleep differently. I sleep on my side, my roommate sleeps on his back. My ex sleeps with everybody. That sort of thing.
Saw a brand new Prius totaled on my way home from work. Still had the window sticker. That would suck... Not to crash, but to drive a Prius.
In other news millions of facebook user suddenly got their law degree
Today I saw a girl with the word "Anel" on her butt. I was like, woah..it`s supposed to say "Anal"..it`s spelled wrong then I realized it was supposed to say "Angel". The G was stuck in her a$$crack
if you don`t have anything nice to say, come sit by me, and we can make fun of people together.