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Girl: I am not having having s@x with guys at the moment. Boy:I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue
can say whatever the hell I want as my Facebook Status, and nobody will be offended as long as I smile at the end. Example: I hate everybody today :) - LOL
I like pressing F5. It`s so refreshing.
If I ever get real rich, I hope I`m not mean to poor people, like I am now.
I only use elevators for one thing. Surprise group hugs
I don’t love being single but I do love being happy.
She’s thinking about having beer pong at her reception… that’s walking a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
So how many pokes does it take before its considered a heavy petting?
If at first you don’t succeed, you shouldn’t diffuse bombs.
Its almost that time again! That`s right, its holiday season! Merry Black Friday sales, and happy spending!
When I go into a bar I shout out "YOU CHEATING WHORE!" Whoever turns around is who I`m buying drinks for.
I sneak alcohol into work because I`m a problem solver.
Either I wrote a bunch of drunken Facebook status updates last night, or my dog has finally figured out the computer.
Yawning is the body`s way of saying `10% Battery Remaining`.
Today, 2 year olds can unlock an iphone, open and close their favorite apps. All by themselves. When I was that age, I was eating silly putty.