Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
I never know the proper etiquette with the pizza delivery guy. Do I kiss him before or after paying him?
May you never be as bored as whoever figured out that holding a seashell to your ear sounds like the ocean
If you put root beer in a square cup, do you get beer?……………………. (you smart people grinned didn’t you.)
Why do people who know the least know it the loudest?
My body keeps doing these muscle twitches like it wants me to get off this couch and move around. HAHAHAHA. As if.
Drinking always starts out as the best idea you’ve ever had.
Which nipple does the red jumper cable go on again?
My superpower is getting behind the person who is obviously refinancing their mortgage at the ATM.
I think I`m the drunkest person at this bed bath and beyond.
I saw a spider in my bathtub. So I took a tissue and very, very carefully, burned the house down.
SNAUGHLING: Laughing so hard you snort, then laugh because you snorted, then snort because you laughed.
Do not worry about avoiding temptation. As you grow older it will avoid you.
Have you ever held your money and thought "I hope this hasn´t been up a stripper´s butt"
It would serve me better if they put shopping carts in the middle of the store where my pride realizes I have too much sh!t to carry.
She caught my iphone before it hit the ground... She`s definitely my screensaver