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whats the difference between a dog and a fox????? six shots
"Slow and steady wins the race." Unless it`s one of those weird races that puts an emphasis on speed
If you’ve ever used Urban Dictionary to compose or decipher a text, congratulations, you`re over 40.
Designated drivers just drive me to drink.
Proposing to a woman isn’t like choosing a life-long business partner. It’s more like hiring your own boss.
I like playing with my dog when I`m high. Because I don`t have one when I`m sober.
You are the reason why I bite the heads off teddy grams.
I am deleting my twitter right now! Not to seem paranoid but I think people are following me!
"2, 4, 6, 8!! Ride my face let`s fornicate!!!" And with that, HR banished me from all future employee picnics.
The difference between a straight girl and a lesbian is about four or five drinks.
Just once I`d like to see a stripper do the "Carlton" on stage.
I smiled and waved at my neighbour so I bet the first thing she`ll do today is buy bedroom curtains.
I hate when people stare at me and don’t say anything. I mean if you want an autograph or a picture just ask..!
Taco Tuesday sends a terrible message to our nation`s children. They need to know that tacos are always an option no matter what day it is.
Yawning is the body`s way of saying `10% Battery Remaining`.