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A human fart can be louder than a trombone. I discovered that at my daughter`s school concert.
I was going to write something profound and memorable here, but I can`t remember what it was.
Your french fries are just my french fries on the wrong plate.
It’s impressive how quickly I can go from full to starving.
Remember the good ole days when we had to get out of bed to use the Internet.
To all the NSA agents reading this right now, I just want to say sorry that my life is so boring.
A fun thing to yell at a magic show is "BURN HIM, HE`S A WITCH"
A fun thing to do is take a group picture at a party. Then leave & print it at Walgreens. Buy a frame, go back to party, & place it on the mantel at the party.
I was bitten by a mosquito last night. Bet that little bastard is pretty hung-over today
People are like slinkeys; they don’t really serve a purpose, but you can’t help but laugh when one of them falls down the stairs.
A homeless guy asked me for 50 cents for a sandwich. I said, "First let me see the sandwich."
I don`t blame Monday. I blame Saturday for not matching my Powerball numbers
I think New York has reached the point where it can finally be called York.
Its all fun and games until someone drinks the beer with the cigarette butts in it..
I look forward to paying off all my debt so I can get back to just being broke