Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
When life gives you lemons, make lemonade. Then go find somebody whose life gave them vodka and throw a party.
Look UPS guy, you can`t just show up at someone`s house unannounced and expect them to have pants on.
When God closes a door, it usually has my fingers in it.
House cleaning would go a lot faster if the spray bottles made laser gun sounds
In my porno they`d deliver the pizza after they had sex because otherwise it`d just get cold.
Has it ever occurred to optimists and pessimists that the glass is refillable?
If you have really strong opinions on subjects that you know very little about... then Facebook just may be the perfect thing for you.
My brain contains a few things I should know and the rest is just song lyrics.
People are way less judgmental when you say you had an "avocado salad" instead of saying you ate a bowl of guacamole.
I knew we were gonna be friends when you ran into that wall.
The best job ever? Sleeping Beauty at Disney World. You just lay down all day. If anyone bothers you, it’s like excuse me, I’m working here.
I love asking kids what they want to be when they grow because I`m still looking for ideas
The guys at Home Depot must take classes to know exactly what I meant by "the little thing next to that one piece with the round thing."
“Star Wars” fans are very upset that the story line of the upcoming new “Star Wars” movie has been leaked. Apparently the movie starts with R2-D2, Chewbacca, and Han
The older I get, the more I understand someone`s desire to just say-"F*ck it. I`m going to be drunk all the time & live under this bridge."