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I used to be able to stay out much later than this. I find I just can’t these days. My phone battery just doesn’t have the stamina any more.
Why do people who insult themselves get mad when you agree with them?
Why can`t my coworkers just play on the Internet like normal people instead of trying to engage me in conversation.
Can we all just agree to start spelling it "Wensday"?
For every action, there’s an equal and opposite reaction. Plus a social media overreaction.
F*ck It - My final thought before making decisions.
If Tetris has taught me anything it`s that errors pile up and accomplishments disappear.
I love how my calendar assumes when I add a 8:00 event, it’s AM. Google thinks I’ve got my life together.
I can`t wait to find my soul mate so I can start sleeping on the couch.
When asked how I take my coffee, I reply with, "Seriously. Very seriously."
Just saw a homeless dude with a sign reading "Hungry Hungry Hobo"... I shouldn`t laugh right?
Even hoarders throw their chapstick away if someone else uses it.
You haven’t truly won an argument until the other person says “whatever.”
Dear Social Media, thanks for showing me that I can like people. So long as I don`t have to see, touch, or smell them.
There are some people in this world who make you totally understand Hannibal Lecter.