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Unless you fell off the treadmill and smacked your face, nobody wants to hear about your workout.
Blessed are they who can just read it and move on.
A recent survey of one person reveals that 100% of me thinks I should leave work early.
I work out by ordering a small drink at Burger King, then get up 100 times to refill it.
I fell asleep with infomercials playing on the TV.... I woke up with a strange desire to do P90X with a Shake Weight while in my Snuggie
I’m not surprised you’re having problems I had a bad experience with your reality once too.
Everything happens for a reason. Sometimes that reason is that you`re stupid and make bad decisions.
“Be yourself” is the worst advice you can give to some people.
When it gets nice out I`m going to have a roof party and after that`s done have a painting party inside, come all
You don`t need to use your words if you`re carrying a machete. People just seem to figure it out.
Do you smoke? Smokers: "Yes." Non-Smokers: "Never have, never will." Stoners: "Smoke what?"
Every pizza is a personal pizza if you eat the entire thing.
Im just waiting for the day for Ashton Kutcher to go to Charlie Sheen and say "its stilll your show. YOU JUST BEEN PUNK`D!"
Hey you! Yea you ... Don`t just pass by my status and not say hi.
When I`m bored, I send a text to a random number saying, " I hid the body, now what?"