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Why do people say ”I saw it with my own eyes.” Do they sometimes use other peoples eyes?
Wow!!! Thank you guy on Facebook I went to high school with and haven`t spoken to in 14 years, you really changed my mind about this upcoming election....
The most terrifying thing a woman can say to me is "notice anything different?"
Checked a lot off my thought-about-doing-today list.
It only takes 2 ingredients to make a baby. Does that not blow your mind. Like at least there should be some flour or something.
In my defense, it was a fantastic idea at 3am...
Whenever I read: "Do not exceed recommended dose" I always think, "Challenge accepted!"
Celery is 95% water and 100% not pizza
I glued the TV remote to my wife. I`m expecting her to go missing any second now.
Last night I had this awesome dream, where I fought this huge fat ninja and knocked him out with my super power punch. I`d tell you more but I have to take my wife to the doctor. She has this mysterious black eye.
Just so you know, I am already planning on being an a$$hole tomorrow.
Chinese scientists have discovered the rare rock n roll panda it will only eat A wop bop a loo lop a wop Bamboo
Just completed my sexual harassment training and I think I`m finally ready to start harassing people.
Juvenile humor My friend David lost his ID. We just call him Dav now. Here`s your sign..................
Gravity didn`t seem this strong twenty-five years ago.