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I got kicked out of my Community Theater group when the director asked to see me limp. How was I to know he was talking about walking??
SCIENCE FACT: If you close your eyes, you won`t be able to see.
Saying the word "awkward" in an awkward situation only makes it more awkward. Especially if you sing it.
Hiding from people at parties is my cardio.
That awkward moment when you gently throw your phone onto your bed and it decides to Bounce of 3 walls, Knock over a lamp and kill a cat.
I never thought I’d be the kind of person who’d wake up early in the morning to exercise... and I was right.
I don`t mind being wrong, as long as nobody knows.
Getting drunk and listening to loud music solves 87% of all life`s problems
I`m always amazed that when tragedy strikes how quickly people on Facebook become experts on the subject no matter what it is.
Why does whoop-ass only come in a can?
QVC has agreed to purchase the Home Shopping Network for around $2 Billion...OR just 100,250,627 easy payments of $19.95!
Sorry I mispronounced your baby`s name you made up.
My therapist recommended I quit growling at people...
Why is it always the same person getting in your way from start to checkout at the grocery store?
You bring a baby monitor to the bar one time and everyone freaks out.