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Roses are red, Violets are blue, I wish my ex wife would die ... That`s as far as I got.
Edward Cullen is extremely pale due to the lack of light in the closet.
As my mother-in-law and I fight to the death for her son`s love, I sometimes think to myself, "This may be the worst prize ever."
I thought I was having déjà vu, but it turns out I do the exact same things every day.
If I share my food with you, its either because I love you a lot, or because it fell on the floor and I don`t want it.
The only time my wife will ever scream "DEEPER, DEEPER" is when they are lowering my casket into the ground
Never fight anyone who bows to you first.
Kicking a man while he’s down burns 150 calories.
Raise your hand if you have already spent your daylight savings
These spaghetti-o`s taste like I don`t get paid until tomorrow.
"My place is a mess" - Every girl, ever.... "Well in that case, I`m not coming in" - No guy, ever
I enjoy romantic scrolls up and down your timeline.
Don’t confuse my personality with my attitude. My personality is who I am. My attitude depends on who you are.
"There`s more than one way to skin a cat." -Chinese restaurant proverb
Lazy Rule: If you spill water, It will eventually dry.