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There are over 4 million workplace injuries reported every year. Play it safe…call in sick tomorrow.
So you`ll be able to buy Girl Scout Cookies online this year ... Your move Weight Watchers
One man`s sarcastic answer, is another man`s stupid question
Don`t play stupid with me! I`m better at it.
When I come home 4 the holidays I throw $40 on the table & say "Look we`re keeping the thermostat at 75, and we`re turning on some lights."
Golf, except there`s no balls or clubs or anything, and you just drive around in a cart and drink.
Hypothetically, when is the right time to tell your divorce attorney that you`ve never been married and you love spending time with him?
You know nothing about a woman, until she is drunk and mad at you.
"I can`t wait to nail you later" *whispers to the new picture I just bought*
That microwavable meal was delicious and filling! - no one ever
When I think of all the money I’ve spent on booze in my life, I wish I had it all back. Imagine all the booze I could buy!
Bands who can`t afford a smoke machine should hire my girlfriend to cook at their concert
3 bottles of bleach: $15.00. One rope, 3 rolls of duct tape, and a shovel: $35.00. 3 boxes of trash bags: $10.00. The look on the cashier`s face: Priceless!:D
Now they are saying that the Zika virus is sexually transmittable. What kind of pervert is having sex with a mosquito?
Crazy is not a destination, it is a way of life.