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Got a problem with me? I’m pretty sure a status on Facebook won’t fix it.
Just found out that I’m 53 Cheetos tall.
[the instructor clearly frustrated with me on first day of veterinary school] "It doesn`t matter if its a dog, it`s still called a cat scan"
This girl says she wants me to butter her muffin.. I don’t even know what that means but now I’m hungry.
I don`t like Instagram. It reminds me that somewhere people are doing stuff. I just don`t need that kind of pressure.
If you’re having second thoughts, you’re two ahead of most people.
I hate when you offer someone a sincere complement on their mustache...and then she won`t talk to you anymore.
Shout out to all the ladies at church today in the same clothes from the club last night.
when I`m quiet, strangers look at me and think I`m shy. People who know me think: OMG! he`s thinking! EVERYBODY RUN!
I wasn`t born with enough middle fingers to show you how I really feel about you!
Since my ear surgery I haven`t heard from my doctor. Not sure if that`s a good thing or not.
Girls just wanna have funds.
I had a bit of a lazy day sitting in my underwear looking for jobs online. My boss was furious.
Who ever snuck the s in "fast food" was a clever little bastard!
I wish karma would send me email notifications.