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Occasionally, I like to agree with a man just to watch the look of fear, confusion and nervous-anxiety.
It’s a good thing not everyone has a smartphone. Someone has to honk when the light turns green.
sometimes i look at people and think really, thats the sperm that won.
Marriage is something you should pay for and divorce should be free. You might think twice before buying into it.
If there are ice cream trucks in the summer, why aren`t there hot chocolate trucks in the winter?
Now that I`m turning 40, I need to be careful about what I eat and drink and make sure I am getting my nutrients. That is why I just added pulp-free Orange Juice to my Vodka.
The problem with taking the road less traveled is the poor phone signal...
I like to go to a strangers house tell them you used to live there and that your grandfather hid money somewhere in the house and just leave.
I am who I am, your approval is not needed.
This hot fudge sundae hasn`t killed me so it must be making me stronger.
Just tore the tag off my mattress and there’s nothing the feds can do about it. MUAHAHAHAHA!!!
Sometimes I wish people would just bring donuts to work instead of drama.
It is impossible to simultaneously keep up a) hope and b) with the Kardashians.
I have blank business cards I hand out and call them my “none of your business” cards.
Bad decisions make good stories.