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Insomnia is very common. Try not to lose any sleep over it.
I wouldn`t say I`m an alcoholic. I`d slur it.
Know why a room full of married people looks so empty? There’s not a Single person in it…
Like medicine, some people should only be allowed to talk in doses. Like 30 sentences three times a day.
I guess I`m somewhat of a big deal, I tell people about my accomplishments and they say "big Deal
I`m Not Single. I am romantically challenged
Holidays are a lot of fun until you realize you`ve been dating the ugly sister
... and so begins another failed hundred or so attempts at trying to write the correct year on anything I date.
Just read a book on quantum evolution. The idea is that quantum mechanics are involved in the process of evolution. I still say go to WalMart and then try to sell me on evolution....
Just watched (insert title of horror movie) and it wasn`t scary at all. The crap in my pants is a pure coincidence.
My blood test came back as B+ Any tips how I can get an A+ next time?
When I was a kid, I thought quicksand was going to be a much bigger problem than it really is.
I can`t seem to convince these dogs & cats that I don`t need their assistance in the bathroom.
Trying to understand some people is like trying to pick up a turd by the clean end.
I went frisbee golfing today. I didn`t get an ace, but I did hit a guy and that was just as satisfying.