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I suffer from paranoid-schizophrenic indifference. I really don`t care what the voices in my head are saying behind my back.
If you`re a vegan an atheist and a liberal, how do you choose which way to annoy people at Thanksgiving first?
"Let`s give the bad guy a ponytail." - 80s movies
I bet blind people think farts are funnier than deaf people.
Never hire a color blind Bomb Technician.
Laughter is not the best medicine. Laughter with large amounts of alcohol & wild crazy monkey sex - now that`s the best medicine.
People hear my southern accent and automatically assume I`m stupid. Let me tell you something right now. That is just a coincidence.
When I die I want Charlie Sheen’s life to flash before my eyes.
All I’m saying is you don’t see many neck tattoos on Jeopardy.
You posted a drunk selfie last night at 2:04 AM and then deleted it five minutes later. But I took a screenshot. Let`s negotiate.
I need to start eating more healthy, but first I need to eat all the junk food in the house so it’s not there to tempt me anymore.
This strip mall certainly is misleading And I probably should put my clothes back on now.
My therapist recommended I quit growling at people...
There`s nothing a floored gas pedal and cranked music can`t cure.
I’m not implying you’re stupid. I’m saying it outright. Here, I wrote it in crayon to help you understand.