Daily Silly Status

I wish my mind had a delete button.

I don’t have an attitude problem… You have a problem with my attitude… That’s your problem, not mine.

Sorry to all my friends and family members who didn`t know I was a freak until they saw my likes and shares on Facebook.

It`s not the torch she carries for me that has me worried, it`s the gas can in her other hand.

That moment when you put your pants on, take a few steps, and feel something crawling down your leg! You grab it on the outside so it doesn`t crawl any further....and then you sigh in relief and thank God the dryer sheet doesn`t bite!

So far today has been a pretty good day...I haven`t had to bite or hit anyone, yet!!

I`ve come to believe that everyone on Earth could benefit from a 12 step program.

From what I can gather, men hit their sexual peak around age 18. And women hit theirs as soon as the divorce is final.

I got caught peeing in the swimming pool today... The lifeguard shouted so loud I almost fell in.

My family is like a box of chocolates, you never know what you`re gonna get but you can be sure there are gonna be some nuts in there somewhere.

First thing I do in the morning: Look at the clock and hope I have more time to sleep.

Jake from State Farm works some very crappy hours.

is it too late to wrap myself up like a baby and drop myself off on a billionaire’s doorstep

Meanwhile on Facebook someone has made a casserole

My neighbor put the box his fridge came in on the curb for trash pickup. Guess who has a new fort!