Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
My iPhone autocorrected "wish you were here" to "wish you were beer" ...I sent it anyways.
Hello 911? Do you think i`m pretty?
MTV canceled Teen Mom, so it`s like they had those babies for nothing.
To drink, or not to drink?...what a stupid question!
Rolling out of bed is easy. Getting up off of the floor is another story.
Well, the people outside are frightful.
I had cheese, but no crackers ... I was cracka-lackin
I just sprayed Citrus Fabreeze in my bathroom... Now it smells like Sh*trus
Could you imagine if guys commented on their guy friends` profiles the way girls do? "Bro, you look so handsome" "Looking hot, man!" "OMG, your jawline is cray" "Ugh, how are you this perfect dude? I`m jelly" "sexy much?!"
Only toilet paper deals with more a$$holes than I do.
You move into my house, delete all my porn, decorate every wall with rooster pictures, talk incessantly, leave hair everywhere and are too tired for sex?? Sounds great, let`s do it!!
Traffic would be awesome if we all drove hamster balls.
I just bought a medical alert bracelet that says ... "Probably just sh!tfaced."
The Braille on the drive-thru ATM actually says, "Move to the passenger seat"
It`s the little things in life that count, like pills.