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Sometimes I think of something so wrong and inappropriate that my little black heart skips a beat with delight.
Sign: "No alcohol past this point." Translation: Bet you can`t chug this entire beer, right now.
NEVER go to a wet t shirt contest drunk. I won 2nd place.
I`ll decide whether it`s a compliment or sexual harassment.
I stayed at a really nice, really fancy hotel this weekend. The towels were so thick I could hardly get my suitcase shut.
I spend more time looking in the fridge than I actually do eating.
Time to train for my favorite winter sport. Extreme Hibernation.
You know when you’re exercising and feel like you could keep going and going? That’s happening to me, only with beer.
PMS = Prepare to Meet Satan.
I don’t call it laying down anymore, I call it landscape mode.
I want to lose weight, but I don`t want to get caught up in one of those "Eat right and exercise" scams.
I just kicked a can in my driveway and somehow ended up with a goal against Brazil.
thinks it would be great if we really burped bubbles when we were drunk .. just like in cartoons.
I wish there was a room where we could go and see all the stuff we have ever lost.
The best part of an argument is the make up sex...unless you`re fighting with your brother.