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I thought the movie `fast & furious` was about my sex life. I`m fast, my wife is furious.
Stumbled into bed late last night. "You`re drunk," she said. "Also, you live next door."
For daylight savings, we should move the clocks forward an hour on Monday at 9 AM so that we lose an hour of work instead of sleep.
All things being considered......half of your friends are below average.
When I procrastinate, current me really expects a lot out of future me.
Hmmm… Who should I stalk on Facebook now? :)
I just saw a bus that you would look amazing under.
No, I don`t need a Fitbit. I can count to 45 by myself.
I hate it when spiders just sit there acting like they pay rent.
So, at this point, should we really still be calling them New Kids on the Block?
Due to no supervision and sheer lack of self control; I sincerely with GREAT guilt! Here now inform you. I ate your banana split
Thought I saw a kangaroo today but turned out to be a greyhound having a dump !
If I had spoken to my parents the way some children do now, I would not be here to share this status.
Several years ago Facebook came in to our lives forever changing our ability to judge each other from our couches.
A lot of woman turn into good drivers. So if you`re a good driver, beware of women drivers when their making a turn.