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Eggnog is perfect for when you feel like drinking a glass of pancake batter.
I have many talents, but giving an f*ck isn’t one of them
If someone hates you for no apparent reason, give them one.
Damn…I’m having an out of money experience.
Having plans sounds like a good idea until you have to put on clothes and leave your house...
havung sex in a elevator is wrong on so many levels....no mattet what floor your on
My husband told me that in some cultures women do all the housework, so I told him in some cultures blow jobs don`t exist. He`s vacuuming
You say mystery bruise, I say drinking badge of honor.
You’ve never truly lived until someone has posted a sign because of something you’ve done.
I like to jump onto people`s backs as an unexpected piggy back. but sometimes I get carried away
So long pants! See you Monday!
Would an obsession with the imperial measurement system be considered a foot fetish?
Nothing says lazy like laying on the couch making today`s responsibilities tomorrow`s problem.
I’m not a “stalker”. I want to make sure you’re okay at all times. You can look at me as an unpaid bodyguard.
Your shirt might say UFC but your body says KFC