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Somehow I thought growing up would involve more than staring at my phone
A baby`s laughter is one of the most beautiful sounds you will ever hear, Unless it`s 3am. And you don`t have a baby, And you`re home alone.
I don`t hate you, I`m just not necessarily excited about your existence.
I`m thankful for many things, but mostly that there were no camera phones when I was in high school.
Dropping a can of soda and sticking it back in the fridge all shaken up for the next person to open is not as funny when you live by yourself.
Save time. See it my way.
The last time I touched a breast, it was in a KFC bucket.
Is it just me, or is Fantasy Football basically Dungeons & Dragons for jocks?
I`m losing my mind, but as long as I keep the part that tells me when I gotta pee, I should be OK
Humpty Dumpty was pushed I tell ya. PUSHED!!!!!!
If I ever post something on Social media sites that`s not funny or clever, That just means someone hacked my account, Just Saying!
There`s no hiding it, my ex sucks at school... And in cars, alleys, and public restrooms...
Yeah... I may be old... But I`m still hot..... They just come in flashes now!
The less you know, the more you think you do.
I`ll sell my broken watch when the time is right.