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It just dawned on me why Mayberry was so peaceful and quit, cause nobody was married. Andy, Aunt Bea, Barney, Floyd, Howard, Goober, Gomer, Sam, Ernest T Bass, The Darlins, Helen, Thelma Lou, Clara. The only one married was Otis, and he stayed drunk!
A good husband is like a bra. He should be supportive and help support your burdens, but mostly he`s just there to touch your boobs.
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Checklist: Poke People ? Delete People ? Block People ? Send Friend Requests ? Accept Friend Requests ? Ignore Chats ? Make Stupid Photoshop Pics With My Face ?....Morning chores all done.
I screamed a Brazilian times during that waxing.
Lord, grant me the courage to be the person I am under my breath.
A gentle reminder about Daylight Savings Time: If you thought last Monday sucked, this one will prove to be much, much worse.
Marriage counselling: Because sometimes your wife needs to hear from a professional that she`s being a bitch.
If jail isn`t supposed to be fun, why do they get bunk beds?
I know I should lift weights, but those things are heavy!!
Free snow at my house. Shovel all you want!
The first 30 years of childhood are always the hardest.
I put on real clothes today. What more do you want from me?
"It`s not about who`s right or wrong."~ The person that is wrong
It’s sad how Wile E. Coyote is remembered for his crappy ACME gadgets, and not for his brilliantly realistic paintings of tunnels.