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Making an effort in the last of 2014 to cut away distractions so I can spend more time with my iPhone.
Conspiracy theory for conspiracy theorists: Your conspiracy theories were planted by the government to distract you from real conspiracies.
Some days Iād like to take a chainsaw and cut a few branches off my family tree.
It makes sense that animals pee on something to mark their territory. I mean if someone peed on something, most people would be like, "Eww, okay. That`s yours now."
The first rule of Women`s fight club is don`t tell anyone what you`re mad about or why you`re fighting.
I`m having trouble telling if it`s killing me or making me stronger
Dear future boyfriend/girlfriend, where the hell are you?
Hey, how long are you supposed to chase someone after they steal your wallet? Cause I`m getting tired of running and he`s catching up to me.
If there is enough room to spell `bootylicious` on the back of your shorts...it probably isn`t
The push-up bra: the strangely acceptable female equivalent of a rolled up sock stuffed in men`s underwear.
I would never survive a real job because I dont like being told when I can eat lunch...
R.I.P. 2013 (2013-2013)
Not to brag, but most of the problems that take Dora the Explorer 30 minutes to figure out, I can solve in like 18-20 minutes.
80% of my life is pulling percentages out of thin air and stating them as facts...
No one texts faster than a gossiping woman.