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I was pretty sure that at this point in my career I would have henchmen by now!
My wife gives me the speaking treatment.
By the time I realized my parents were right, I had kids that didn`t believe me.
If Shrek can find love, so can you. What I`m trying to say is, you look like Shrek.
My life coach is the cashier at the liquor store.
Your mobile phone has more computing power than all of NASA in 1969. NASA launched a man to the moon. ...We launch a bird into pigs!
I`ve just invented an invisibility cloak; anything under it is rendered completely invisible. I`m still working out the kinks; you can still see the cloak itself
My goal is to move just enough each day that no one pokes me to see if I`m dead.
I`m no expert, but I`m pretty sure a lot of economic problems could be solved by extending the McDonald`s breakfast menu back out to 11am.
lf the people in the movies listened to me, they would still be alive.
Sobriety is an illusion created by alcohol deficiency.
I saw Tom Hanks and asked for his autograph. He abbreviated it, and it just said "Thanks"
I`m so old, I remember when the internet didn`t have commercials.
People go to the bar hoping for 2 things...to get hammered or to get nailed.
You`re right. I don`t have a clue. I`ve never had a clue. It`s part of my charm and it seems to be working for me.