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What do people mean when they say the computer went down on them?
My Bills are so big that I have to call them William now.
The future is much like the present, only longer.
My ex-wife once left a note on the fridge: "It`s not working. I can`t take it anymore. Gone to stay with Friends." I opened the fridge, the light came on, and the beer was cold. Not sure what she was talking about!
Not to brag, but I don’t need to smoke pot to get the munchies.
I love facebook... It`s the only place where I can talk to a wall and not look like an idiot...
Monopoly: Destroying friendships since 1904
I always wanted to be somebody, but now I realize I should have been more specific
Wish some of my co workers weren`t allowed in the break room... Because that`s who I usually need a break from.
Our neighbor said he wouldn`t mind me stealing their newspaper if I would at least put a robe on first.
Behind every successful status update, there is a Ctrl C & Ctrl V
Judging by the commercials, only old white guys with sailboats can suffer from erectile dysfunction.
Facebook should have an "I`ve seen enough" button.
Tieam... problem solved
The last breasts I touched belonged to a dead chicken.