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I`m old enough to remember when cell phones actually got smaller every year.
Ok advertisers, for the last time. I’m playing a game I downloaded for free. So, the fact that you chose to advertise here means your product is grossly overpriced…
The easiest way to get over someone is with a steamroller.
Roses are red, violets are blue, If your parents told you you`re beautiful, they`re lyin to you..:D
I swear if my memory gets any worse, i`ll be able to plan my own surprise party.
It`s not that people use only 10% of their brains, it`s that only 10% of people use their brains.
The relationship was going so well until I left my phone unlocked.
Wait,,,, What does it mean when my bride uses air quotes during the vows???
If rolling your eyes burned calories, Facebook would be my gym.
If there is anything I learned from 80`s movies it`s that I`m the best around, and nothing is ever gonna keep me down
I`ll vacuum over something a hundred times before I pick it up and place it back down and try again.
Gently placing your finger on someone’s lips and saying, “Shh, not another word,” is super romantic but cops don’t seem to think so.
I robbed a bank yesterday....now the question is, what to do with all that sperm....
There are sick days, paid holidays, and vacation days. What about "Don`t have any gas to make it to work days"
You must be a parking ticket or something for the word FINE is written all over you.