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I feel ready to face the world as a responsible adult now that I`ve taken today`s gummy vitamins.
I feel like I`m not getting the full experience of a gas station bathroom if I don`t cut and dye my hair and change my identity.
You should always love a woman for her personality. We have so many to choose from.
It`s so cold outside you can see your farts.
Would you mind going with me to my next Psychologist appointment? He thinks I`m making you up.
Which one of you is Moderation? I keep getting told we need to drink together.
cuss words = sentence enhancers
Being in the doghouse isn`t so bad if there`s enough beer in the bowl.
I`m not saying i hate you but if you were on fire and i had water i would drink it
I just got this sudden urge to do something productive. Wait nope, false alarm.
Sorry if my phone keeps calling you, it`s voice activated. I`m at the mall and everytime santa says Ho, Ho, Ho, it dials your number
I hate it when I tell someone I`ll be there in 10 minutes, but they continue to call me every half-hour anyway
"..all the king`s horses & all the king`s men couldn`t get Humpty together again" ... What guy thought horses might figure it out?
all joking aside, think how many babies might be created tonight on valentines day
I can always tell when I`m drunk. I tend to drop things...like my standards