Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Chicken salad with egg in it is my fave way to eat two generations.
My wife said we could have a three way "when pigs fly" so I showed her a police helicopter.
My kids keep bugging me about dinner, even after I keep telling them I already ate.
Women are like squirrels, very cute from a distance but will fight like hell when you try to pick them up and get them in your car.
You know those people who get all excited and lovey with puppies at pet stores? Same. But I`m in a liquor store.
Mom: You haven`t moved since I left 5 hours ago? Me: Excuse me, where do you think these chips came from!!???
They`ve got this brand new machine at the gym. I only used it for about an hour because I started to feel sick, but it`s awesome - it`s got Mars Bars, KitKat Chunkys, Cheetos, crisps.... everything!
just watched my first full episode of jersey shore... #ashamed of new entertainment
I need to borrow someones kid for Halloween. I miss free candy.
My girlfriend is now mad at me because I didn’t know why she was mad at me.
Im out like a fat kid playing dodge ball
A new day : the possibilities, endless. the funds, insufficient.
I hear you`ve been very naughty ... Go to my room!
Just shaved my legs for the first time since October...just kidding, it`s not warm enough for that yet.
Please be careful on the roads. Lots of people are drinking exsessively and letting their wives drive.