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Please ignore this post, I`m pretending to be adding a coworker`s phone number.
Once in a while you meet a person that makes you smile when you think about them. They`re trouble. Stay away from them.
Receptionist: "The doctor will see you now." Invisible Man: "Finally, a cure!"
FYI fellas: if you wake up with some chick and you can`t remember her name, take her to Starbucks. They`ll write her name on the cup for ya!!!
Ladys have it easy, if they ever do start to loose an argument they can just start playing with their boobs
Just think: right now, your body is cookin` up some poop.
Why is that in girls tampon commercials they dance and laugh? Shouldn`t they be revving chainsaws and burning sh!t down?
I just ran butt a$$ naked through Walmart yelling "Stop that shoplifter! she got my clothes!"
Sorry I yelled "April Fool`s" while you were proposing to your girlfriend.
Moms birthday is next week. I can’t find a card that says “I wish you loved me more than vodka.”
Men are great listeners when you have big boobs ;)
Sometimes it`s fun to make fun of yourself. Almost as fun as it is to make fun of others.
Don`t play dumb with me. That`s a game you can`t win.
I just bought all six seasons of Hoarders on DVD
I saw a group of kids trying to put another kid into a dumpster. I had to step in, they couldn`t even lift him.