Daily Silly Status

I just saw a hot mom at McDonalds spank her kid after he threw his fries on the ground, so I threw my fries on the ground too.

So they say that having to much sex can cause memory loss, which is just a little something I seem to remember reading in a Rolling Stone magazine once on page 64 paragraphs 3 through 5 while sitting on a park bench October 14th 2002 at 3:46 p.m

Me: spends 12 hours comparing teams before completing NCAA bracket, loses $50. GF: Spends 5 minutes picking teams with "cute" mascot names, wins $1000.

Dear axe body spray, Could you Please put a suggested spray size on your deodorant bottles. Best regards, Asphyxiated girls everywhere.

The best part about living by myself is not having to explain a lot of things......a LOT of things.

I`m really tired but it`s OK. There`s a nap for that.

How funny is it when you’re telling somebody a made-up story and someone says “Oh yeah I heard about that”?

I hear boomerangs are making a comeback.

Getting back with your ex is pretty much the same as taking a shower, getting out, and putting back on the same old dirty underwear.

Yesterday I accidentally swallowed a bottle of food coloring. The doctor says I`m OK, but I feel like I`ve dyed a little inside.

Noise cancelling toilets should be a thing.

To all my ex girlfriends. Don`t worry. I`m still an asshole.

I just replaced the can of air freshener in the office bathroom with an air horn. And now we wait....

I hate when people stare at me and don’t say anything. I mean if you want an autograph or a picture just ask..!

Facebook is great, but I still miss the good old days of writing down my random thoughts and sliding them into stranger`s pockets.