Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
My New Years resolutions are just a list of mixed drinks I haven`t tried yet.
When we are small, our mom`s would use really small forks as spoons to feed us...But what about Chinese moms? Would they use toothpicks?
It`s been few days since I heard from the voices in my head, I think it`s the calm before the storm. Some big sh!t is gonna go down!!
If I were my boss, I`d never leave my coffee cup unattended.
Your boyfriend has long hair too. I sometimes have trouble figuring out who the girl is in the relationship.
Have I posted my Alzheimers joke yet?
Sometimes I think, "Screw this, I will just be a stripper." Then I remember I am fat and I can`t dance.
Oh well, this time isn`t going to procrastinate itself.
If alcohol kills millions of brain cells, how come it never killed the ones that made me want to drink?
Apparently putting Alka-Seltzer in my mouth while getting baptized and pretending Iām being possessed by the devil is not funny.
The trick to falling asleep is putting your phone down. Unfortunately, that`s not a risk I`m willing to take.
I`m in big trouble if my coworkers find out I don`t really have Tourette`s.
Hooters does have hot girls, but the Subway girls are the real wife material.
Well it`s almost time for that " New Year -- New Me " bullsh_t again!
Sometimes, when dealing with people, you can`t help but stop and think, "Yup, I`m about to get my first assault charge."