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I put the o in illiterate!
Fun Fact: A pizza will never sleep with your best friend behind your back.
Allow me to explain myself via a new communication method I like to call "Interpretive Napping"
I`m not an asshole, I`m just the only one who has the balls to say what everyone else is thinking.
The speed in which a woman says “nothing” when asked “what’s wrong” is inversely proportional to the severity of the sh!tstorm that’s coming.
Do you ever wish you had a second chance to meet someone again for the first time?
Ironically the only way I`d watch the 50 Shades of Grey movie is if you tied me to a chair and forced me to.
The most difficult part about taking a personality test is deciding which personality should take it.
Monday is an awful way to spend 1/7th of your life.
Ever been in the middle of writing a great post and think, did I just run someone over?
Golf ball sized hail wouldn`t be as destructive if we just made golf balls a lot smaller.
When the only light in your world is suddenly gone …it’s time to recharge your phone.
Facebook keeps telling me people are following me. But, every time I look behide me there`s nobody there? Why does facebook keep lying to me?
When people stare at me, I assume its because they are taking notes on how to be a bad a$$ motherf*cker.
Unless you are selling Thin Mints, don’t ever knock on my door.