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Karaoke bars combine two of the world’s great evils: People who shouldn’t drink and people who shouldn’t sing.
Starting an international incident is number one on my bucket list.
Those kids in the Trix commercials were real jerks. Why couldn’t they just share their cereal with the rabbit?
Saw a post stating "taking it one day at a time," so I responded "me too. That`s how days work."
If a girls tongue being pierced really mattered, then I would have my palm pierced!
I don`t know, guys. The whole "play dead when a bear attacks" thing sounds suspiciously like something the bears would come up with...
If one of Santa`s helpers takes a picture of himself with his smartphone, is that an "elfie"?
Don`t blame the holidays, you were fat in August.
I`m an accident looking for a place to happen!
That`s disgusting! (unless you`re up for it?)
My relationship status? Last night, in the elevator, I told a girl she had nice shoelaces.
Trust me , as you get to know me , i just get weirder.
Here, take my hand. Now slap yourself with it.
I’m not in denial, I’m just selective about the reality I choose to accept :)
“Nothing is impossible.” I disagree. I’m doing nothing right now… it’s totally possible.