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I love finding money in my clothes. It`s like a gift to me... from me. :)
The only excuse for the kinds of storms that have been coming is that someone somewhere is losing a game of Jumanji...
I never sign anything until I pretend to read it first..
Girlfriend said she felt she looked fat, tired, and ugly. Said she needed a compliment. I told her that her eyesight was nearly flawless.
If someone`s mean to you, just lean in and whisper "I`m a Barbie girl in a Barbie world" to them & get that monstrosity stuck in their head.
My doctor told me, "DON`T mix this medicine with alcohol or you could wake up somewhere naked with a monkey on your arm." CHALLENGE ACCEPTED
It`s depressing to think how much more Dora the Explorer has seen and done in her life compared to mine.
Spoiler alert: Your `97 Nissan Sentra doesn`t need one.
Her dad said he`d like to see me make an honest woman out of her. I had to resist the urge to tell him that ship sailed long before me.
I`m at my neighbor`s house having the most delicious dinner. Hope I finish before they get home!
Google must be a woman...it knows everything.
I just fell down the stairs holding a guitar and accidentally wrote a One Direction song.
Google maps should have a “Scenic!” route option for when we’re not in a hurry and just want to enjoy the ride.
I think I can survive on Mars since they found water for my coffee.
Somewhere in the world right now, somebody is buying a house based on its potential for great bathroom selfies.