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The block button is just the adult version of sticking your fingers in your ears and repeating "I can`t hear you" over and over
The phrase, “Don’t take this the wrong way” has a zero percent success rate.
My wife just made a "special" dinner "just for me" for no apparent reason. I`m going to die, right ?
My hobbies include working out, staying fit, eating healthy, and lying.
The best job ever? Sleeping Beauty at Disney World. You just lay down all day. If anyone bothers you, it`s like excuse me, I`m working here.
Sugar` is the only word in English that starts with `su` and sounds like `sh`. I`m sure of it.
Anybody else have that annoying problem of Work and Family interfering with your FaceBook time?
I don`t throw anything out anymore I just go to TGI Friday`s once a month and glue more sh!t to the wall, no one notices, try it
"I don`t see color." - A person who shouldn`t eat snow.
if you were 2 times as smart as you are now ... you would still be stupid
Yea...sure! I was hoping someone would come and stand uncomfortably close to me today
"The more the merrier": My excuse for extra food.
Mac & Cheese doesn`t contain many vitamins, so it`s important you always eat a bunch of it.
A smart man washes his hands after he pees. A wise man doesn`t pee on his fingers.
If life is a Bitch, then why hasn´t it made me a Sandwich