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According to a recent study 52% of women have used vibrators....I`m guessing the other 48% have new ones?
When people tell me "you`re going to regret that in the morning" I sleep in until noon because I`m a problem solver
Taking viagra for my sunburn. Doesn`t cure it but it keeps the sheets off of my legs at night!
It may look like I`m doing nothing, but I`m actively waiting for my problems to go away.
What happened to all the Sour Patch parents?
If you ever find lotion on a guy`s night stand, it`s not because he wants to moisturize his skin.
Do you ever wish you had a second chance to meet someone again for the first time?
Her (from the living room): What time is it out there? Me (in the kitchen): Same time as it is in there.
That awkward moment when u start telling a story only to realise no one is listening so you slowly fade out and pretend to have said nothing.
I finally stopped caring what other people think ... I hope everyone`s ok with that.
The one thing women don`t want to find in their stockings on christmas morning is their husband
It’d be hilarious to release a gorilla in a gorilla suit at the mall and see the look on security’s face when they pull off the mask.
Don`t just be one of those people who stares at their phone or computer twelve hours a day. It`s important to also watch some TV.
With the right music, you either forget everything or you remember everything.
Getting another set of teeth would be much more useful at age 60 than age 6.