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My horoscope started with `are you sitting down?`
I wouldn`t mind being alone with my thoughts, if I didn`t know them all so well.
Some things are better left unsaid...That`s usually the stuff I blurt out right away.
If I could have dinner with anyone either alive or dead. I would totally choose dead. Because, more food for me then.
I think my guardian angel drinks.
Middle age is when you choose your cereal for the fiber, not the toy
I’m going to start responding to videos people post of their babies on Facebook with videos of me getting nine hours of sleep.
I don’t even know what I don’t know.
Sometimes I wish my dog could talk…then I remember all the things he has seen me do when I’m alone.
I have finally conquered my annoying habit of repeatedly pressing the snooze button every morning by programming my alarm clock to play lullabies!
I always learn from the mistake of others who take my advice.
Please please, keep talking. I always yawn when I`m interested...
The sooner one of you ladies takes ‘one for the team’ and becomes my girlfriend, they sooner I leave the REST of you alone!
Daylight Saving Time rocks. It even makes laziness sound impressive. I did nothing for 24 hours? Not today. I did nothing for 25 hours!
Are walruses just vampire manatees?