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If Plan A doesn’t work, the alphabet has 25 more letters. Keep calm.
Ever seen a person so disgusting you hold your breath when you walk by them? Yea I have.
A Positive attitude may not solve all our problems, but it will annoy enough people to make it worth the effort!
So I was looking at my boyfriends facebook page and saw a ton of girls saying they love him. He`s obviously cheating on me. We are so over Zac Efron.
The best nicknames are the ones people don’t know they have
During my prostate exam I asked the doctor, "where should I put my pants"? "Over there by mine", was not the answer I was expecting.
For all the parents with kids starting school I just want to say congratulations. You made it through another summer without killing your children!! I am proud of you all!!
Idiots are fun, no wonder every village wants one.
If Kanye didn`t sing "Gold Digger" while Kim walked down the aisle, I`m not interested in hearing anything about their wedding.
The heart wants what the heart wants. *opens 12th beer*
The only correct answer to the question are you sleeping is no.
I went by the Gym today. Its the third time this week............. One of these day`s I might actually go in.
Facebook is a lot like a fridge. When you`re bored you keep opening and closing it every couple of minutes to see if there`s anything good, but nothing ever changes :b
A female mantis kills the male after sex. That used to seem cruel, but now that I’m married with kids I think the male mantis gets off easy.
I really have to stop using this little microphone on my phone that types whatever you say as it keeps making mistakes punctuation point