Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Seems like my body should have better things to do than make nipple hair.
I`ll never understand why the guy that invented braille didn`t just put the dots in the shape of the actual letters.
Hi, you`ve reached my voicemail. Send me a text like a normal person.
I don´t like to think of myself as "Special"... I think I would call me a limited edition.
I`m not trying to brag or anything, but I just got invited to play Candy Crush on FB
That must have been a heck of a party judging by the police reports.
When Life Gives You Lemons Don`t make lemonade. Make life take the lemons back! Get mad! I don`t want your damn lemons! What am I supposed to do with these?! Demand to see life`s manager! Make life rue the day it thought it could give Cave Johnson lemons! Do you know who I am? I`m the man who`s gonna burn your house down! With the lemons! I`m gonna get my engineers to invent a combustible lemon that burns your house down!
I don`t need a personal trainer as much as I need someone to follow me around and slap unhealthy food out of my hands.
Save electricity! Would you like it if someone turned you on and then left?
You know what makes sex awesome? Actually having it.
I was being taught to use some machinery today, and I was quizzed as to the rules of it`s use. When asked what the first rule is I responded, "You do not talk about Fight Club."
If opportunity doesn`t knock, build a door.
Be the type of gentleman that holds the door open for your girl, but smacks her ass as she walks in.
The more I know, the more I forget! The more I forget the less I know! The less I know, the less I forget! The less I forget, the more I know!!!
Sometimes I think "Screw this ... I`ll just be a stripper!"