Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
"we can still be friend" .. is like saying "The dog died, but we can still keep him"
Which nipple does the red jumper cable go on? Asking for a friend.
Sorry, I didn`t get your text...Just kidding, I ignored that sh!t.
my phone battery lasts longer than relationships this days !
They used to be called "jumpolines" until you jumped on one...
If women ran the world we wouldn’t have wars, just intense negotiations every 28 days.
Are you supposed to get an email that says “HAHAHAHAHA” after signing up for Match.com?
I have an eating disorder; I`m about to eat dis order of fries, dis order of wings, and dis order of nuggets.
I see dead people. Well technically they`re stupid people, but give me a few minutes
Just burned 3 calories typing this with my thumb muscles. #fitness
A good thing about dating a vegan is that you could kill 2 birds with 1 stone, when you buy flowers because they`re also a snack for later.
I worry about people who write "taken" in their bios. Where did they go? Who took them and why aren`t we helping to find them?
A friend suggested I see a therapist but the truth is, I like being f*cked up.
Common sense is like deodorant....The people who need it most never use it.
Don`t worry, kids. Being an adult is mostly just googling how to do stuff.