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In my defense, I was left un-supervised...
I`m pretty sure the whole "ladies first" thing was created by a guy just to check out a$$.
Synonym: Word used in place of the one you can`t spell.
Don’t be ashamed of who you are. That’s your parents job.
Just knowing that I have successfully pissed you off again makes my day.
You know what makes sex awesome? Actually having it.
Don`t get excited girls. That bulge in my pants is just emergency Oreos.
Please tell me I’m not the only one who opens up their Hershey Kisses ever so gently so that the foil doesn’t tear.
A fun part of your 40s is waking up thinking you`re hungover, and then remembering, nope, this is just how my body feels now.
It`s frustrating to know, I`ll never experience the exhilaration of getting to meet me.
A recent report shows that people who smoke weed get into 85% fewer car crashes than drunk people. Obviously. It`s a lot easier to see what`s coming when you`re only driving at eleven miles an hour.
I live for those really small but special moments in life, like when I see the waiter bringing my food to the table.
Today`s brilliant idea: Slim Fast beer.
LIFE always offers you a second chance,its called TOMORROW
I would like my FB friends to know that the opinions and comments I make on FB in no way reflect the actual thoughts, opinions or actions of me, or my family. Its all for fun. The only posts that I actually mean are the same ones you agree with.