Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
You know your ugly when the dog has to close his eyes to hump your leg
Sarcasm, I put that sh!t on everything
Oh the pranks I would pull if I were invisible
One of my biggest fears is that my car secretly records me singing.
Just heard a guy at the dog park tell his dog "NO!" and then more quietly, "We talked about this!"
The word bed looks like a bed.
We`re up to Fast n Furious #6. Shouldn`t they just create a weekly TV series?
Ok everybody. Please look in your bedroom closet. I got my stalking notes mixed up and don`t know where I am.
Sorry I said "Better you than me" when you showed me your baby.
If adult diapers are called Depends, then baby diapers should be called Definitely!!
I hate it when I get too drunk and just kidding I never hate getting drunk!
The only complaint I have about being married is being married.
I could spend my day outside, but I`m sure there`s plenty of porn that needs to be rated.
A model citizen is just like a regular citizen that doesn`t eat.
I ate 4 cans of alphabet soup, and just took probably the biggest vowel movement ever