Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Nothing says "I mean business" like bringing a shopping cart to the liquor store.
Sure I have my doubts, but Bigfoot doesn’t have any pictures of me either.
My New Year’s resolution is to climb Mount Everest, learn 7 new languages, and stop lying.
The wife and I never really argue except on where to vacation. I wanna go to the beach and she wants to come with me
Even if girls came with instructions, men would never read them.
No one ever said life was easy, but several people did say that you were.
A dozen roses: $12, a box of chocolates: $10, a Happy Valentines Day card: $2, still having $24 dollars because you`re single: priceless!
Rough day! I have now completed the top 6 things off my to-do list ... Time to go get another six pack I guess.
Women who say the quickest way to a man`s heart is through his stomach, have not seen his browser history.
The only thing worse than a cold toilet seat is a warm one.
There’s a police helicopter above my house right now, so I’m cashing in and calling everyone who has ever said “when pigs fly.”
Thanks to my mom, I put my name on all of my underwear so they`re easier to spot when I go through the bar`s lost and found box.
I wonder how many people die each year as a result of lifeguards running in slow motion.
My advise to all the young people out there, "Do not grow up; it`s a trap!!"
Nothing embarrasses a psychic more that throwing them a surprise party.