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Most people donate to the homeless. Me? I donate to the topless.
Facebook: Making stalking people much more convenient since 2004.
Cashier: "Would you like to donate to charity today or are you a giant piece of sh!t?"
Some mornings I feel like leaving my coffee until its cold enough that I can just pour it directly into my eyes.
Pro tip for picking up girls ā keep your back straight and lift with your knees.
When I go to the gas station I always get two kinds of drinks so it appears I actually have a friend..I think they`re catching on though.
I have difficulty sleeping at night because I lay awake obsessing over life`s mysteries, like how exactly does paper beat rock.
Being able to read minds would be incredible...but constantly hearing about how sexy and great I am would probably get old.
Maybe one day a loooong time ago a kid decided to play hide and seek with his pet Bigfoot but just didn`t explain the game properly.
that awkward moment when you`re alone somewhere and trying to take a picture of yourself.
I saved over $1000.00 on Black Friday. I stayed home and didn`t shop.
Do watch out for elderly neighbours in the heat wave. They`re liable to trap you for hours and talk about the weather.
It seems like the āLā in my luck has been replaced with an āFā.
The longer I sit in this drive-thru, the more pennies Iām going to pay with.
As a kid, I used to be afraid of the dark. Now as an adult, I love the dark because Iām terrified of the electricity bill.