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SCARY BUT TRUE: statistics show that everyone who’s ever used a cell phone will die
I hate buying feminine products! How am I supposed to know if this is the right kind of broom or not?
Dang I didn`t make it to the gym today! That makes 5 years in a row
Hi I’m a spider & I can make your girlfriend scream louder than you can.
Boy if these walls could talk I`d be like "HOLY SH!T TALKING WALLS"
Remember kids- Respect your fathers! Besides, before you came out of your moms, you came out of your dad.
Every pizza is a personal pizza, if you try hard and believe in yourself.
Time to train for my favorite winter sport. Extreme Hibernation.
I keep my TV volume at "screw the neighbors".
I`m losing my mind, but as long as I keep the part that tells me when I gotta pee, I should be OK
For all the parents with kids starting school I just want to say congratulations. You made it through another summer without killing your children!! I am proud of you all!!
Just got back from a job fair. Very disappointed. They didn`t have one damn ride.
COCKADOODLEDOOOOOO!!!!
To the guy who invented Zero: Thanks for nothing!
The easiest way to distract a woman is to show her a picture of herself.