Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Pick any number. Multiply it by two. Now add 12 to it. Divide it by 3. Now change it to 10. That`s how many seconds you just wasted.
“Nevermind.” Translation: You should’ve listened the first time.
Sometimes I wish I could appear offline in real life too
The first half of our lives is ruined by our parents. The second half will be ruined by our children
Ladies, life is short. So buy the shoes!
It’s fun to pull someone’s leg… but don’t ever pull their finger.
If I was supposed to share them, they wouldn`t be called nachos.
That must have been a heck of a party judging by the police reports.
People who get out of the car and actually have a sit down meal inside McDonald`s scare me.
You don`t know broke until you`ve rinsed off a paper plate.
Winning isn`t everything. Rubbing it in the face of your opponent is also important.
Sorry, but breaking up with you on facebook was the best way of letting all your friends know I`m available.
Sometimes I wonder if these old men sitting on the benches in the mall waiting on their wives to finish shopping were old when they sat down!?
If I didn`t drink, then how would everyone know how much I love them at 2am?
I failed my driver`s test. For the question "What do you do at a Red Light?" I said "Text and check Facebook."