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A zombie apocalypse sounds even worse when you consider all those smoke detectors beeping for battery changes.
I once tried sniffing coke, but the ice cubes kept getting stuck up my nose.
Somewhere someone`s therapist knows you.
What I do when I black out is none of my business.
A synonym is a word you use when you can`t remember how to spell the other word.
Checklist: Poke People ? Delete People ? Block People ? Send Friend Requests ? Accept Friend Requests ? Ignore Chats ? Make Stupid Photoshop Pics With My Face ?....Morning chores all done.
It`s not a walk of shame if you leave on a pogo stick.
I wonder what my dog has named me?
Beer doesn’t have that many vitamins in it…that’s why you have to drink a lot.
There was a glorious time, before social media, when you would just lose touch with people.
The wet spot in my bed is tears
What do the letters DNA stand for? National Dyslexics Association
Falling out of bed the fun way. Oh wait, there isn`t a fun way....
It’s called a “remote” because those are your odds of finding it when you want to change the channel.
morning i hate girls evening i need girls