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If sex is said to be the best exercise, than why are there no fitness clubs for that. Now there`s idea. . .
The 5 second rule for food dropped on the ground does not work if you have a 2 second dog.
We should have staff meetings in the garden. The plants would love the fertilizer.
Normal trees probably look at Christmas trees all dolled up and think .. "Whore"
I just ate what I thought was a feta cheese crumble from my salad off my shirt. Turns out it was deodorant. So how`s your day going?
My 6 year old has already asked me 4,327 questions this morning. I`m seriously considering getting another Vasectomy just to be safe.
Why is it called "reading a book" and not paper view?
If "The Breakfast Club" were made today, it would be a silent film about 5 kids staring at their phones.
The guest of honour was a bit subdued. The Keyboardist was playing too softly for my liking. But it was a good turnout, lots of food and laughter. But break out into one choreographed `Thriller` dance routine and the crowd goes all apesh!t and tosses you out of the funeral home.
So much to do and so few alibis.
The Teen Choice Awards air last tonight if you want to see a great reminder of why kids aren`t allowed to vote.
If you see a girl or guy post pictures of their cat you know they`re single.
Mirrors don`t lie. Lucky for you, they don`t laugh either.
At the end of each day, life should ask us, `Do you want to save the changes?`
Your parents taught you to wash your hands after you pee. My parents taught me not to pee on my hands in the first place.