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10 years from now: “Dad, how did you meet mom? Well, your mom had the hottest profile pic…so I had to friend request that.”
Sunglasses: allowing you to stare at people without getting caught. It`s like Facebook in real life.
You know you`re a bad driver when Siri says, " In 400 feet, stop and let me out".
Sometimes words just aren`t enough. And that`s why we have middle fingers.
It`s a beautiful day. I think I`ll skip my meds and stir things up a bit
I went to open a can of Whoop-Ass but it had a child-proof lid.
Settle down joggers at red lights, settle down.
People with the loudest car audio systems usually have the worst taste in music.
Even this posting will offend some people, hopefully.
The problem with this generation boils down to this one thing: Their cartoons suck.
Any person can be nice to my face, but it takes a real friend to be nice behind my back.
It turns out that playing strip solitaire isn`t nearly as much fun as playing strip poker. Especially at work...
What would I give the woman who has everything? Well, my phone number for a start.
I`m so, so sorry I started the whole Facebook Is Going To Start Charging thing. I didn`t think it would go THIS far..... sorry
Never trust a man in a wheelchair with dirty shoes.