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It`s getting warm out. I can finally get back to smacking people and blaming it on mosquitos!
I know this will probably piss off a bunch of people I know, but what makes someone good at fishing?!? Seriously, all you did was wait longer.
It`s so cold Miley Cyrus got her toungue stuck on her wrecking ball
I`d be willing to sleep my way to the top if it actually meant sleeping.
This job fair sucks... They don`t have one F*cking ride...
Much of my life is a contest to see which of the voices in my head can say the funniest stuff.
I only drink on two occasions; when its my birthday and when its not.
The guy who used to proofread Hitler`s speeches was the first grammar Nazi.
I`m tired of doing math. I guess I`ll get my lazy as up and fix my clocks today
Fat, single and ready for a Pringle.
Cookies and porn are always better when they`re homemade!
Now reached the age where getting lucky is what happens when I can remember where I set my glasses down at
Relationship Status: Very relieved socks can`t get pregnant.
You must be a parking ticket or something for the word FINE is written all over you.
I`ve finally stopped drinking for good ... And I`ve started drinking for evil.