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Do you think they still give out chips in Gambler`s Anonymous?
The worst thing about dating is bringing a nice guy home after dinner, only to find your husband home early from work.
Just tried to parallel park. 5 people are injured, 3 critical, 6 missing. The casualties continue to mount...
I may have just inadvertently accomplished something
Being normal? Ugh. I can`t imagine how awful that must be.
Trying to achieve the perfect erection. How hard could it be?
I`m tired of being the better person. One day I`d like to be the bitch that they claim I am.
I have very poor ninja skills when it comes to staring at cleavage.
There is only one thing I hate more than lying: skim milk. Which is water lying about being milk.
There are 2 kinds of people I can’t stand: Nosy people, and people who won’t tell me what in the hell is going on.
You are more likely to be bitten by a person who believes they are a shark than an actual shark.
My favorite beer is the 15th one.
Half a dozen: because “six” is way to long.
One day I hope the bravery of the people who initiate clapping is recognized.
Back in my day we had 9 planets.