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In my defense, your honor, he had the keyboard clicking sound on his phone turned on.
Oh the pranks I would pull if I were invisible
Kids may be a gift, but I like playing with the box it came in.
The first rule of Right Club is that your wife is the only member of Right Club
can be sympathetic, empathetic, compassionate, welcoming, loyal, trust-worthy, forgiving, understanding, and giving. But not to today!
As long as there is an open textbook in front of you, nobody will question what you are doing on your laptop.
I’m tired of chasing my dreams, I`m just going to ask them where their going and meet them there later.
She said there`s no difference between turkey bacon and regular bacon, and now I`m supposed to just "forget about it"?
I´m not insensitive, I just don´t care.
69% of people find something dirty in every sentence.
All my life I’ve wanted to learn to juggle. I just never had the balls to do it.
Yesterday I fell off a 50 foot ladder. It`s probably a good thing I was on the bottom step...
*calling pizza place* "Hello?" Your pizza tastes like cardboard "Are you sure you`re not eating the box again?" *long pause* *click*
My version of Heaven would be filled with all the things I`d probably go to hell for.
Don´t you just hate it when people say stuff in their status that you really didn´t want to know? I hate that. Anyway, I gotta go poop.