Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
My girlfriend called me up and said "Come on over to my place. No one`s home!" I went over. No one was home.
Word on the street is... Lol. Jk. I don`t go outside.
If you are hotter than me, wouldn’t that make me cooler than you.
If you borrow my laptop and the volume is at 16% go wash your hands immediately
Sure I have my doubts, but Bigfoot doesn’t have any pictures of me either.
Somewhere, a smart Lasik surgeon has an office full of brochures that are all slightly out of focus and a recovery room where they have clear print.
We look like we are being productive, but really, we are just talking sh!t about co-workers and how drunk we got last weekend.
No matter what happens this month, at least you’re not a turkey.
DID YOU KNOW: If every person on the planet lined up along the Earth`s equator, most of them would drown.
I think my problem is that I have really fantastic bad ideas...
We get it poets: things are like other things
a walk in the woods helps me to relax and release tension the fact that I`m dragging a body behind me should be irrelevant.
Why can`t someone look at me the same way I look at pizza?
Millions of innocent coconuts are murdered each year so you can drink their nutritious blood you insensitive health freak
I woke up early this morning with the strange desire to get up and exercise. Fortunately I rolled over and closed my eyes really tight and the feeling went away.