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I`ve been starting my diet tomorrow for the last 20 years.
Instead of cars warning us of stupid things, like the door is open, it should tell us useful things, like there`s a cop hiding in the bushes
The term "I paid GOOD money for that!" is soo silly..Honestly, have you ever seen BAD money? NOT ME !!!
Whoever said "Lets do that" in the meeting for the pop-tarts without frosting, should be fired
Dracula had impeccable hair for a guy who couldn’t see himself in a mirror.
There was a piece of chocolate cake in the fridge and a note “Don’t eat me”.Now there’s an empty plate and a note “Don’t tell me what to do”
Coffee is just a hug for your insides.
All you single ladies, please stop saying you should just give up and get a cat. If no man wants you, don`t subject an innocent cat to a life with you.
If I`ve learned anything from these ghost hunter shows, it’s that everyone speaks English after they die.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats
They say you are what you eat, though... I don`t recall eating a sexy beast today
Some people`s lives are like open books... Mine is like a trashcan without a lid.
Me, a morning person? Pfft. Most days I`m not even an afternoon person.
My mind is telling me nooo... But my body... My body`s telling me yesss...BABY. Cashier: Sir...would you like fries with that or not?
All I want is a little more than I’ll ever get.